oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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