is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
