I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
