I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize