sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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