I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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