***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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