Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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