billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I deserve to be covered in dicks
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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