You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
