I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
