my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
