i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize