Redeem this text for a blowjob
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
