sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
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