Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
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