Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
