hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
