I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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