i barfeds in our rink
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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