sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
