Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
