i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
well you can't waste a boner
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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