like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
