If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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