I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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