Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
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