i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
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