So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Randomize
