Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
