Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
