she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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