Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
