thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
His hands were made for my vagina.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
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