Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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