You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
