Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
