that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
