Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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