Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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