non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I want her autograph on my taint
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
