i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Randomize
