i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Randomize
