I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
