I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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