I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
