Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize