called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
