To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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