Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
