Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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