I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
