did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Oh god it's open bar.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
