he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Bring me that man meat
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
