I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Operation Purity has been aborted
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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