Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
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