grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Randomize
