Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
