He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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