You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
