That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
if only i could text you this smell
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
