He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
