Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
