Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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