Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
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