I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
