Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize