i think my mom watched the whole time
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
