no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
