you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
