Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
