So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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