Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
