All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
He passed out mid-signature
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
