As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
