I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
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