so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
