Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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