i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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