dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
