im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
