It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
