you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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