What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Randomize
