Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
