After last night, I could never be a politician.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
