no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
