I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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