She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize
