I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize