just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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