Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
