My girlfriend figured out who you are.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
