yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
