My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
