Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
