youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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