Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
