You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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