i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
