So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
