I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
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Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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