fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
