I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
