you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize