Non-Jews are for practice
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
